She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You are a genius and a whore.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
