Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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