i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
