listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
