2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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