If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
