the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Congratulations! We have a period
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
