def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize