Your face is a jimmy john
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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