just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
not ubering you a puppy
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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