$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
