You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
