Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
