im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
