About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
