if i can run in heels then i can drive
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
