You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
