just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
