is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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