I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
So apparently I’m into choking now
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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