I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
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