I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
