Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
