Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
