This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
