Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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