had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
