New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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