Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
