they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
