So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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