So drunk its hurt
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Hippo gnu deer
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
