Sry I called you an 8
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
