Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
