Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
