ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
