The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
