NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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