I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
