thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
