You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
