Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
