You made me cry and you don't even care
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
