all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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