How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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