he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
