just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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