i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
