so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Randomize
