Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
