Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
