ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize