I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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