He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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