I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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