I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
