I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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