Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
