I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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