There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My dick has a subreddit
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize