I'm going to jail i love you
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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