I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
