Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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