he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You ate ashes out of my bong
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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