I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
