i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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