I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
