Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
