Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
