Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
