He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize