She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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