dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize