I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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